The Swagger News

Check out my new blog: Mother Tongue

Hello Swagger Heads, 

I have a new blog!!! It's called Mother Tongue and I'm really excited about it. On Mother Tongue I write about my life's work: the English language. I write Mother Tongue primarily for you, a Dutch professional who, for whatever reason, has fallen out of love with the English language. You just don't like English anymore, but you have to speak it. Mother Tongue will bring back your love, baby. And once you're feeling the love, anything can happen.

What else will Mother Tongue do for you? 

• teach you the mistakes that every Dutch person makes in English and how to avoid them.
• teach you to recognize and adapt to cultural differences with English speaking people (primarily Americans). 
• show you the kick ass programs I offer as a Swagger English teacher.
• Make you laugh and inspire you to start speaking English, the one and only world language.

I post on Mother Tongue every Friday. Click here to come check it out. 

Thanks for reading The Swagger News, my very first blog, and I really hope you'll come join me at Mother Tongue. 

~ dave

 

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A little passion can be a dangerous thing.

 

I was born with the passion bug. I get it from my parents. It's my greatest strength. As with everything in life, it's also my greatest weakness. 

Focus, or the lack thereof, is an issue for me. Is it for you too?

One day I'm an English teacher, the next a golf coach, the next a musician, the day after that a copywriter, and the next a business coach. You get the picture. I love them all and, consequently, I'm good at them. But, as a friend and advisor said to me not long ago, "Dave, what hat are you wearing today?" 

Today, dear friends, I'm wearing my focus hat. 

FO - CUS.

Sing it with me, "Gimme an F. Gimme an O..."

I like a good song just as much as you do, but singing alone ain't gonna get it done. 

It's time to walk the talk. So, my train just pulled into the station at Focusville and here goes:

Over the next several weeks, this blog, The Swagger News, will change. So I won't be writing my normal Swagger Friday post, but will instead be building the new, more FOCUSED platform. 

All in the name of focus. Clarity. Simplicity. 

I hope you'll stay with me during this transition time. When I've got my new blog(s) set up, I'll be able to help you Swagger even harder. 

Thanks for your understanding and see you soon. 

Love, 

~ dave

The deliciously human compulsion to keep on keeping on.

Man, I'm stuck. Like a stick in the mud. Like a finger in a door. S-T-U-C-K.

Why? 

Because I don't know what to write. This is not a challenge I face very often. If you've ever whatsapped or facebooked with me, you know I'm rarely at a loss for words. Normally, they just come pouring out like notes from a guitar. 

But not tonight. 

Luckily for me, though, I share my life with a woman I like to call the Unsticker. When I can't move, frozen to the very ground on which I stand, I go to Natascha. She'll push and prod and ask and listen - and I'll get unstuck. Tonight's conversation was pretty typical. It started like this:

Me: "I don't know what to write about." 

Five minutes later I hear Natascha saying, as I turn to my keyboard ready to write:

Her: "See David, there's SO MUCH to write about." 

Never fails. 

What did she say? 

I won't tell you. You'll have to hire her to find out. (She's the greatest coach I've ever had, just so you know.) But let's just say every word of this post flows from the inspiration I found in her words. 

It starts with a good long look at my lists. You know the ones. The lists of people in your tribe. Your facebook friends. Your Twitter followers. Your email contacts. Your subscribers. 

Your peeps. 

Looking at the names, and reflecting on their current place in life, I notice a trend. 

Lots of my peeps are going through some hard times.

Her father just died. She's got cancer. He's hooked on booze. He has to sell his house. His brothers died. Her kid failed his test. His mom has alzheimers. She's getting divorced. He's having an affair. 

Heavy stuff. 

But here's the good news:

Every one of us is still pressing on. Still out there on the court, trying to win the game of life. 

We won't give up. 

We have courage. 

We're willing to be vulnerable. 

We're aware of our imperfections. 

We're creative enough to see the upside of down and everything in between. 

Yes, we're all making mistakes. Some bigger and more destructive than others. 

But we ain't quitting. We're keeping on keeping on. 

And that's just about as Swagger as a person can be. 

Happy Swagger Friday y'all. 

Love, 

~ dAVE

ps - Seriously, if you want 'unsticking' call Natascha. It's magic. Lifekick.

A boat, a canal, a future.

"You should just quit, man" Frank says, steering the small boat through the narrow canal. 

"Easy for you to say" Will snaps back.

"Why's that?" Frank asks, still maneuvering the skinny boat. 

"Um, trust fund. A million in the bank. House on the canal" Will says, looking down. 

"That's just stuff, Will." 

"Stuff I don't have, Frank." 

"You think my Dad's money is a blessing? It's a fucking noose, dude" Frank says.

"Oh really? Must be tough, just cruisin' around these canals all day. A noose Frank? I don't buy it." 

"I wouldn't expect you to understand Will, but it's true. I've NEVER had to get outta bed" he says, cracking a beer, the tinny pop of the can bouncing off the handsome, gabled buildings.

"You think my inheritance makes me free" Frank continues, steering to avoid a glass topped tourist boat, "but you're wrong. I wish I had what you have." 

"Oh yeah?! What do I have?" Will asks.

Frank pulls the boat into the Ouderzijdsvoorburgwal,  the neon flash of red light shooting sparks into the warm evening.

"You got passion, Will. Fire in the belly, man. You could change the world if you would just quit bitchin' about that crappy job and start following your gut." Frank says.

"Fire in the belly?" Will asks, his eyes never leaving the red windows. "I'm supposed to pay my rent with that?" 

"No. But there's more to life than paying the rent" Frank says, sliding the boat silently past the hordes of tattooed Englishmen and the women they crave. He turns the boat into quieter waters, leaving the 'District' behind.

"Will, your music, your writing, it moves people. Sure as shit moves me. And I know what it does to you 'cause I see it when you're on stage. That's it right there. That's why you're here. Ain't no trust fund can touch that. When I see you up there singing, I know that I've never felt like that in my whole life." 

"So, this is your 'just live for your art' speech? Pretty touching Frank" Will says, tossing a fallen leaf into the canal.

Frank buckles as rage envelops him. He turns off the boat, letting it float aimlessly for a few frozen seconds. His dark eyes black and murderous, he turns to his oldest friend:

"Listen to me you fucking cry baby. If I hear any more cynicism outta you, I'm throwing you off my boat. I'm serious as a heart attack, man. This is your SHOT, Will. You're still young enough. You're healthy, not some rich drunk like me. You gotta start showing some swagger my friend. Some balls. It's time to stop feeling sorry for yourself, before it's too late. You know, you're right, I don't have to worry about money. But I'd give you every last penny, every single fucking one, If I could live a day with your passion. If I could just know what it feels like to really love something, to put your soul into it even though it could destroy you. Just one day" he says, his voice catching. 

Silence.

The boat drifts on, the old friends staring straight ahead.

"Wow dude. I didn't know you felt that way" Will says.

Frank starts the motor.

"I guess I didn't either. That came from down deep, bro" he says, pulling the boat towards a makeshift pier on the canal. Revellers spill out from an ancient cafe, sitting at petite tables on the water's edge. Calmed by the responsibility of parking the boat, Frank rubs his eyes. 

"You gotta quit that job Will. It's killing you" he says. The men climb onto the canal's edge, plopping into two chairs at a small table.

Spotting Frank, the waitress brings his usual: a beer with a shot of Dutch gin. Will gets a double espresso.

Settling into the beauty of the summer's eve, they raise their glasses in a humble toast.

"To the future" Frank says, the gentle clink of glass filling the canal.

 

ps - Are you tired of dipping your toe into the water without being able to jump? Do you want help taking that risk? I can help. It's time to jump, while you still can. Do my Private Intensive Swagger Boost. 

The customer isn't king. You are.

"You're too nice" she says, the metallic clink of her spoon rattling the coffee cup.

"Whatever" he says. "If they don't like me, they won't call me". 

"Daniel, it's not a popularity contest." she says.

Looking down at the menu, he squints. The California sun pierces the diner's big, square windows. 

"So what am I supposed to do, just be a bitch like you?!" 

"Is that what you think?" she asks.

"Yeah, you're kinda bitchy. Sometimes I can tell they're annoyed." 

"They're not annoyed Dan, they're LEARNING. That's what they want. Not a new best friend".

"Stella, they look pretty pissed to me." he says, fumbling with his menu. 

The waiter approaches, interrupting the tension. 

"What can I get you guys today?" he asks. 

"I'll have the Ceaser Salad and an ice tea" she says. 

"Large?" he asks, but it's more of a statement.

"Sure" she answers.

The waiter shifts his gaze to Daniel.

"Um, I think I'll have...the club sandwich looks pretty good. But those chicken wraps are callin' my name...I'm not sure...ummm" 

"The Denver Omelette is amazing. He does it with shrimp." the waiter offers, grabbing his blue pen. 

"Really?" Daniel says, looking up. "Done. I'll have one a those." 

"Anything to drink?" 

"Um...yeah...how 'bout a..."

"Jesus" Stella blurts, the fierce sun painting dancers on her face. 

"Alright. I'll have a Coke." he says. 

Without a word, the waiter scurries off. 

Daniel sweeps his forearm across the table, brushing imaginary crumbs onto the dusty diner floor. He looks at her. A long silence.

"You don't even see it do you?" she says.

"What?" 

"Dude, you have no idea what you want. You're like a little kid. HE had to tell you what to get!" 

"What, I can't take the guy's advice? He frigging works here. He should know." 

"Exactly." she says as the waiter brings her large ice tea. Ripping open a pack of Sweet & Low, she drops it into the tea, forming mini piles of white powder atop the ice cubes. She stirs in quick circles, the spoon clinking against the glass. 

"As soon as the waiter TAUGHT you what was good, you went for it. You don't give a shit if he's nice" she says.

"He's kind of a dick, actually" Daniel says, looking towards the cash register. The waiter, his back turned, flirts shamelessly with a customer. "Check him out Stella, guy's workin' it." 

"No doubt. I bet he makes more on tips than anybody else in here. He knows exactly who needs his hand held. I bet you didn't even notice that your Denver Omelette with SHRIMP, is the most expensive thing on the menu?" Stella says knowingly.

"Um, no, I...didn't, actually." Daniel says.

"Look Daniel, nowadays we're so busy trying to get everybody to click the damn like button that we miss the boat. We cave as soon as there's a little push back. I mean, I'm not sayin' you gotta be an asshole. No, definitely don't do that. Then I wouldn't want to hang out with you. I LIKE you. But you gotta have a little SWAGGER, and I'm gonna buy my lunch from the guy who teaches me something. " Stella says, thumping her glass down gently.

"So I'm NOT supposed to hug my customers?" he asks. 

"Don't hug them. Teach them. That'll really get 'em to call you back." 

The waiter brings the food. Deftly sliding the plates onto the table, he locks eyes with Daniel.

"Can I get you something else to drink? I bet you've never had our 10 dollar milkshake. It's AMAZING." 

The sure fire way to have fun at work today.

Last week I asked you a simple question: 

What do you want most for your career in 2012? 

45% of you said ENJOYMENT. (30% said work|life balance and 25% money).

I guess we really do just wanna have fun. 

But how?

Sometimes fun at work is scoring that new, six figure account. Sometimes fun is a sexy business trip to that industry event in Cannes. Sometimes it's joining the pretty young things from Marketing for Red Bull and Vodka on Friday eve. Sometimes. 

But there is one thing that is ALWAYS fun at work.

It is always fun to absolutely blow people's minds with your brilliant, life changing insights. 

In other words, to add value to another person by teaching them something they didn't know. 

An example: your client did not realize that educational training is tax free in your country. By informing her of this tasty little fact, you just saved her a bunch of cash flow. In the process you also just increased the likelikhood of selling her some of that educational training. Fun. 

One more example: your colleague was unaware that vacation days could be taken over again if you get sick during the actual vacation. "No way?" she says. You just made her day. Those wasted days spent bent over with the flu during Christmas break weren't wasted at all. Fun. 

We experience true enjoyment when we add real value and meaning to another person's life.

So today, when you punch the clock at work, find a way to blow someone's mind.  You don't need to be obnoxious about it. Nobody likes an aggressive know it all. But make it clear, you're here to TEACH them something they didn't know. Everybody wins. 

Feel free to share your teachings with all of us. That's what Swagger Friday's are all about. 

love, 

~ dave

Papa, why do you speak that stupid English?

I'm standing in Timo's 1st grade classroom. As the bell rings, I kiss him goodbye. 

"T, have fun today. I'll come pick you up later" I say.

Before the words have even left my mouth, several kids look over, their heads tilted like curious puppy dogs. 

"Timo, waarom praat je Papa zo grappig?" they ask. (Timo, why does your Papa talk so funny?" 

By speaking to him in English, as I always do, I've made him the center of attention. Most days he's fine with that (like father, like son). Today, though, he's not in the mood. He doesn't wanna feel different. 

"Papa", he says, looking up at me seriously, "waarom praat je dat stomme Engels?" (Papa, why do you speak that stupid English?)

Good question. 

Because I want him to have the key to every city in the world. 

We are primates. As such, we have to socialize. We don't have a choice. It's coded in our DNA. Why do you think 'social media' is so huge? Because we're just monkeys that want to 'talk'. Words, English words in particular, are the vehicle. The key to every city in the world. 

Would you have more freedom if you spoke confident English?

More fun?

More connection?

More Swagger?

Yes!

Isn't it time for you to start sharing? Creating. Connecting. Inspiring. In English - the world language.

"But I don't get the chance to speak English and I don't need it for work," you say?

That's exactly why you want to do my brand new English course. Now is your chance to speak:  Click on the link for all the details. 

House of English Discussion Group 2012.

I have 2 spots left. I look forward to working with you. 

Love, 

~ dave

How to bounce back.

When was the last time you disappointed your client?

Let down your kids?

Lost the big game? 

Angered your partner? 

I don't care who you are, if you take risks, any risks at all, you're gonna screw up. 

It's how we deal with it that matters. 

If you really wanna bounce back, do this: 

1. FIX THE PROBLEM AND SAY SORRY.

After you mess up, for example by accidentally sending a hundred emails to the wrong people, apologize and fix the glitch that caused the mistake in the first place. Make sure to say sorry. (Don't grovel though, it's annoying).

2. ACKNOWLEDGE THAT YOU SCREWED UP.

This may seem simple. But, then again, simplicity IS rocket science. Say these words to yourself: "I'm allowed to mess up. It's OK. It means I'm actually on the court instead of screaming from the sidelines."

3. GET ON WITH IT.

You might have to power through some guilt. Embarassment. Frustration. Whatever. Do it: power through it. Learn the necessary lessons and don't look back. 

4. PLAY THE 'POOR ME' CARD. 

The 'poor me' card is a sly seductress. It's so easy to wallow in self pity, beating yourself up, and moping around. It's easy because it's so satisfying. If you're gonna take this route, TAKE IT. Milk it. Be as pathetic as you can possibly be. 

On one condition:

You get to play the 'poor me' card for 24 hours. After that, suck it up. If you can't, get some help - professional or otherwise. But don't carry that gloom around for too long.  

As the Dutch say, "mistakes are made where work is done." Make that your Swagger mantra for today. 

Love, 

Dave

Looking for a mental coach? Whatever works.

He corners me right before my speech.

"You know" he says, "I don't believe in this mental coaching stuff. It's all BULLSHIT." 

He's not hostile. In fact, he's smiling. 

Wow. 

Never had that happen before. Not once in twenty years. 

For now, though, it's SHOWTIME. 

I go out and do my Swagger thing. Nobody throws beer bottles. One guy leaves during a break. The rest stay and listen. Many actively participate. I have a really, really good time.

Are you skeptical of mental coaches? 

Sometimes your skepticism may be justified. If any coach tells you he has 'the secret' or a 'quick fix', or that it'll be 'easy', he's lying. Avoid him and his snake oil. 

But he is few and far between.

The overwhelming majority of coaches are dedicated, ethical, and caring professionals. We understand that our methods only work if you, our client, are completely honest with yourself and with us. If you don't confront your issues with honesty, Swagger will never work. 

To Mr. BULLSHIT man I say this: if you have no need for coaching, that's absolutely fine. If you are successful doing it your way, more power to you. 

Whatever works, pal.

For those of you who do seek support, encouragement, stimulation, honesty, love, challenge, confrontation, conversation, friendship, and success, you've got my number. May your Swaggers be blinding. 

with LOVE, 

Dave

To see a little video of me coaching, click here. 

An Artist with Swagger: Aafke Romeijn's Stella Must Die!

I’m stuck in traffic again, which is normal because I drive a lot. My radio says we’re gonna be here a while. All around me, the gentle hum of engines and road rage simmer. I turn on the CD player.

 “This is for everyone who has ever been worried…” Aafke sings on ‘I Stretch the Dark’.

 “This is for everyone who has ever been hurried…”

 Usually, when stuck in traffic, I suffer from musical Attention Deficit Disorder; forever jumping from song to song, artist to artist, listening but not really hearing.

 But Aafke’s “whispering, dark, and gloomy” words cut right to the bone. I am transfixed.

 The hopeless frustration of my traffic jam melts away. I can’t even see the man next to me, in his BMW, slamming his open palms on the steering wheel. No, I have a companion to get me through this. Her name is Stella, and I can already tell she’s gonna kick my ass.

 Stella Must Die!, Aafke Romeijn's (pronounced Ahv-ka Ro-mine) self-released debut, is not for the faint of heart. Twelve songs of love and its delicious melange of emotion: hate, envy, infatuation, compassion, obsession, and, ultimately, violence.

 I could tell you the musicianship, composition, and arrangements on Stella Must Die! are impeccable. After all, Romeijn is conservatory trained and her fellow musicians have undeniable chops as well.

 I could tell you the lyrics, written in English - Aafke’s second language, are so poignant and brutally honest that they display a wisdom far beyond Romeijn’s mere 24 years.

 I could tell you the cover art is both teasingly sexy and slightly troubling, particularly when combined with the violently suggestive album title.

 I could tell you this, and it would be true.

 But it misses the point.

Stella Must Die! is, above all, a love story. And if you’ve ever been touched by the addictive crush of love, Romeijn’s crafty songs will move you.

At the same time, this is not an album suited for a day at the beach. Or a dinner party. Or a mellow Sunday morning. No way. It is operatic and dramatic. Theatrical and extravagant. It demands your attention. It requires you to push away the never-ending distractions of your 21^st century life and LISTEN.

 When you do, you’ll glimpse the soul of an artist, Aafke Romeijn, with the courage to swim the messy, terrifying and shamelessly human seas of her heart.

 As she sings on ‘Stella I’, the album’s opening track, “We’re in love and it’s gonna destroy us both”.  That’s right lovers, this is our siren call. Consider yourself warned.

Buy Stella Must Die! here.

Come to Aafke's album release party on 26 January 2012. Check for info here.

To get my posts in your inbox every Friday click here.

Are you passionate about your work?

The essence of Swagger is: let love drive your business. Without love, we won't make it through the tough times. Instead, when faced with adversity, we'll quit. The cycles of our particular market are important. Our network is important. Our skills are important. But all of that, in my opinion, is trumped by the love we nurture for our chosen path. 

Answer these questions:

 

 If you answered yes to 6 or more of those questions, you are passionate about your work. I'm happy for you. 

If not, please hear me out: the reason you're not passionate about your work is because you've resigned yourself to a 'safe' job.  You're afraid. What are you afraid of? Fear of poverty. Fear of embarrassment. Fear of success. 

Some of you may say, "but I'm just not passionate about anything." Yes. You. Are. Look again. It's there. You're a human being - you have no choice but to create and creation is driven by passion. 

The good news? You can turn it around. I can coach you to design your life in such a way that your passion, your true love in life, gets priority. Both my One Year Swagger Program and the Private Intensive One Day Boost, will get you to start pursuing your passion in the real world.

Click here to mail me for an intake. It's free of charge or obligation, and takes less than an hour. If you're interested but don't live in Holland, I also do Swagger sessions on Skype.

And remember, on this Swagger Friday, the only good reason to do anything is LOVE.