1. "Papa, stop snoring!"
It's time for nighty night. In what sometimes seems like a task more insurmountable than Mt. Fuji, you get the troops in the pyjamas, teeth brushed, pee pees taken, water consumed, teddy bear found (in the fridge!), faces washed and finally into bed, sweet bed. You lay down in their bed to read (big mistake) and get through exactly 9 pages of The Gruffalo before the boy is waking you from the precious slumber with a well placed elbow to the ribs.
Supernanny Jo Frost disapproval rating: 5 of a possible 5.
2. Little brother says to big brother, "Hey Mickey...fuck you."
I don't care who you are: conservative or liberal, mormon or atheist, potty mouth or Mr. Rogers, your kid will say the F word. According to the universal law of F bomb inversion, the likelihood of your 4 year old saying 'fuck' increases exponentially the more inappropriate the setting. In other words, our little angels are much more likely to drop the F bomb in front of other parents, developmental psychologists, teachers, and/or the Pope.
Supernanny disapproval rating: 3 out of 5
3. "Papa, can we have chocolate cake for breakfast. And chocolate milk?"
This request always follows a pitiful night's sleep. Perhaps after a late night when you've had friends over and the little ones know there is cake in the fridge. And chocolate milk. You are too tired to put up a fight. Too tired to heed the Surgeon General's warning. Too damn tired.
Supernanny disapproval rating: 4 out of 5 (because she LOVES chocolate cake. Otherwise it was a 5)
4. "Papa, can we watch Sponge Bob?"
Sponge Bob + Big Time Rush + Kabouter Plop + Phineas and Herb + Ned's Survival Gids + Genie in the House (the absolute worst!) + pokemon + volume loud enough to drown out anything mama and papa might be doing = MIGRAINE.
Supernanny disapproval rating: 4.5 out of 5.
5. "Papa the naughty step is stupid."
The naughty step doesn't work. There I said it.
Supernanny disapproval rating 164 out of 5.
6. "Papa how do you spell 'tits'?"
Your six year old (boy) can and will type the word 'tits' into Google. They will find exactly what you think they'll find and it will be awkward, oh so awkward.
Supernanny disapproval rating: 3 out of 5 (even supernanny can't deny the ubiquitousness of Google. Although she'd probably like to put those sniveling brats Larry Page and Sergey Brin on the naughty step.)
7. "Papa, I'm all done pooping!"
Poop. Just can't say enough about it. If you're lucky, your 2 and a half year old will simply DEMAND to see the results of his handiwork before you flush it down the crapper. If you're not lucky....well, enough said.
Supernanny disapproval rating: 0 out of 5 (Mother Nature, you see.)
8. "Papa, our neighbor is fat."
This line will, of course, be delivered within earshot of your neighbor. And there's no way you can explain it away.
Supernanny disapproval rating: 1 out of 5
9. Wife says to Husband, "Honey the cage is starting to stink."
If the kids are under 8, they will ask for pets. Bet on it. If the 'pets' are rodents (guinea pigs, hamsters, mice, or...god help you...rats) you will clean the cage. I repeat, YOU WILL CLEAN THE CAGE. On a weekly basis. And while you're doing it you'll think of the Discovery Channel's brilliant show "The world's dirtiest jobs".
Supernanny disapproval rating 2 out of 5 (yes, they can pick up a guinea pig!)
10. "But Papa, why?"
Why? If you're a parent, you get this one.
Supernanny disapproval rating: 0 out of 5
Thank you to Kim Gray and Laura Mussulman for inspiration.