The Swagger News

15 ways to get your Swag on TODAY!

1. Figure out why.

Ask yourself why you work for the insurance company. Ask yourself why you live in the city. Ask yourself why you married him. Answer the question with brutal honesty. If the answer is not LOVE, then quit. Move. Leave. Seriously. Find a way. Don't kid yourself. Love is the only good reason to do anything. 

2. Be cheap. 

You gotta spend less cash and save more. I've learned this one the hard way. Looking back, all those possessions never helped. They just lead to more stuff. Pinch those pennies. Being thrifty is the new cool. 

3. Quit boozing. 

And smoking pot. And smoking butts. I don't even need to mention the powders, do I? Drugs give you nothing but a headache. NOTHING. Never have, never will. Forget cutting down. That's just an illusion. It maintains the farce that there's something valuable to be gained from a drug. There isn't. Quit today and you'll feel better than ever. Trust me, I'm living proof. (Call me if you want help. For real.)

4. Stand up straight. 

Mom was right. Posture matters. Shoulders back. Chin up. Eyes up. It's easy AND it works. 

5. Flirt.

This is not about sex. It's about attention. Human connection. We're monkeys; we need each other. Look that person in the eye. Compliment them genuinely. Stop talking about yourself. Ask questions and LISTEN.

 6. Compliment yourself. 

When you do something well, pat yourself on the back. Tell yourself how kick ass you are. I'm not kidding. DO IT. Don't wait for other people. They're too busy. You gotta compliment yourself. Everyday. 

7. Exercise.

Duh. (And you don't need a fancy gym. Try walking. Or a bike.)

8. Reach out. 

If you're not Tweeting, Facebooking, Google+ ing, Linkedin-ing, blogging, Foursquaring, or YouTubing, then you better start. At the risk of re-stating the obvious, social media is here to stay. If you fear superficiality, or lack of privacy, or lack of interestingness then, pardon my French, get your head out of your ass. It's the way we monkeys communicate anno 2012. Despise it at your peril (but keep your eye on that privacy thing. The jury's still out on that one.)

9. Visualize.

Sit down. Close your eyes. Picture yourself singing that song tomorrow night. See the room. Hear the audience. Talk yourself through the experience, one step at a time, in the most vivid detail possible. Feel it. Smell it. Live it, in your head. When the real thing happens, your brain will go, "hey, I've been here before."

10. A risk a day keeps the doctor away. 

Go tell her you love her. Start your own French traiteur in Amsterdam. Quit the big corporation that's giving you the run around. Make babies. WHATEVER. Find your own risk and bloody take it. TAKE IT NOW. All the cliches about the comfort zone are totally true. Get the hell out there and do something, man!

11. Embrace nervousness. 

If you get nervous, be grateful. That beating heart? Those sweaty hands? That shaky tummy? All good, my friend. Being nervous means you're strong, not weak. Embrace it. Forever. 

12. Fuck perfectionism. 

We're flawed. Accept it. Your unpainted kitchen cabinets? Your kids' potty mouth (I wonder where they get it?) Your unsatisfied customer? Learn what you gotta learn and then celebrate your imperfection. It's what makes you interesting. 

13. Forgive yourself. 

We've all got issues. We've all messed up. I don't care what it is, you gotta forgive yourself for it. Just say the words, "I forgive myself. It's OK." Et, voila. Make sure you mean it though. Truly, genuinely, wholeheartedly mean it. You can't fake it. Forgive yourself for that thing you did. Today. 

14. Give. 

Commit to something selflessly. I don't mean stuffing five euros into a can to support the hungry kids in Somalia. I mean actually giving your time, your energy, your heart to an activity. Coach the kids. Tutor at the school. Clean the playground. Volunteer at a hospice. Something. Anything. 

15. Refuse to participate in the culture of fear. 

Fear sells. Now more than ever, it seems. Yes, it's a jungle out there. I know. But you've got a choice, regardless of your politics, religion, social class, or background. You can choose LOVE over fear. HUMANITY over hate. BROTHERHOOD over alienation. 

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The Little Swagger Movie

 

I love everything about making movies: conceiving, writing, acting, shooting, editing, and sharing. Recently, though, I got a really good tip from my client Patrick. He had been watching my little movies and remarked that I could act. And write. And edit. Great. But when the movie is about coaching, my bread and butter, playing a character misses the point. Or as Patrick said, "Where's Dave, my coach?" He suggested taking a camera into my sessions and filming the process in order to capture David, the coach. So I gave it a shot. I took the camera into my House of English - Swagger English, Swagger Golf, and Swagger Biz sessions. I also took it into my 'life'. 

It wasn't easy. I mean, how do you feel when hearing a recording of your own voice? Watching yourself at work is a demanding task. For the most part, I was pleased with my findings. There was discomfort too, though. The discovery of weaknesses. For example, my desire to be liked sometimes gets in the way of serving my client. I'm working on that. All in all though, what I learned will improve my coaching. And hopefully this little movie gives you a glimpse into my world of Swagger. 

Enjoy.

Thanks again to the courageous Swaggers that allowed me to film their sessions!

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Don't quit your day job.

My beloved Dutch have an expression: 'van je hobby je werk maken'. It means: 'Turn your hobby into your work'. 

Traditional thinking says: nothing could be better than quitting your job at the bank, and dedicating yourself full time to a 'career' in music?

Sounds like a great idea, right?

On paper, maybe. But it's a myth. And like all myths, it doesn't scale in real life. Not because you can't pull it off. You probably can. It's a myth because all those other things you do: being a mom, coaching soccer, teaching school, working the consultancy job - they actually make you A BETTER MUSICIAN. 

Why? 

Because the one feeds the other. When I'm up to my eyeballs in school runs, soccer practices, and sibling rivalry, my two hours writing these posts are heaven. When I'm busting my brains writing copy for an oil company, my two hours writing my movie script are nothing short of ecstasy. 

But there's more: having a day job, means I get P-A-I-D. That starving artist thing is bollocks. Having a day job means a pay check. You got mouths to feed. Having a day job also keeps me in touch with the ebb and flow of 'normal life'. It keeps me grounded. Keeps me honest. Keeps it real.

Please don't misunderstand me. I'm not saying you shouldn't chase your dreams. You should. I'm simply advocating a new way: DO BOTH. Be a banker and a guitar player. Be a Supply Chain Manager and a chef. Be a teacher and a drummer. Be a mother and a novelist. When you're 'hobby' suddenly takes off, don't toss that day job aside. Keep it, for it is invaluable.  

And this Christmas, when your band is hired to rock the annual company party, don't be surprised when you turn executive heads and boost your stock in the boardroom.

Rock on Mr. Regional Vice President! 

I know you 'know', but can you 'feel'?

When you stand in the rain and patiently coach your child's soccer team, they praise your commitment. 

When you bend over backwards to help a client with financial challenges, they commend your generosity. 

When you spend years writing a book and finally finish it, they compliment your tenacity. 

You KNOW you should feel proud. 

But do you really FEEL proud? 

I hope you do. To actually 'feel' an emotion such as pride, joy, peace, or anger is to be reminded that you are alive. When we 'feel' it, we remember it. We benefit from it. We are transformed by it.  

On the other hand, when we 'know' something, we memorize it. We recite it. We may even teach it. There's nothing wrong with 'knowing', but it doesn't have the same lasting power, the same punch as actually 'feeling' it. 

So how can we actually 'feel' something? 

When something emotional happens, take a moment to reflect. What is your body doing? Is your heart pounding? Can you feel tears rising? Is there a huge smile spreading across your face? Close your eyes and monitor yourself. Take your time. Breathe in and out. Let the full wave of the emotion pass through you. Be with the feeling. 

Then tell yourself exactly how you're feeling: "I feel really proud." "I feel really discouraged." "I feel really peaceful." "I feel really mad." 

Whatever it may be. Sit with that feeling. Struggle with it. Cherish it. Denounce it. Embrace it. FEEL it. 

I spent many years running from my feelings. I didn't want to 'feel' so I drank and smoked. But I've changed. Nowadays, I WANT to feel. It's far from easy, and I'm forever being reminded by those who love me to slow down and feel. But it's worth it. I promise. 

Are you feelin' me? 

Are you talkin' to me?

 We can learn a lot from Robert de Niro's character in that famous scene from Taxi Driver when he's talking to himself in the mirror. It's a great depiction of the constant conversation we have with ourselves all day, every day. 

I believe the way we talk to ourselves really matters. If we speak highly of ourselves, to ourselves, we have a good chance of succeeding under pressure. If we don't, we choke.  

How can this be? 

Under pressure, it all comes down to our subconscious self-image. If we've spent years 'feeding' our subconscious positive thoughts about our performance, we've done a smart thing: we've created a positive subconscious self-image. In other words, we've taught ourselves to think like a champion. Believe me, if you research the world's most successful human beings, you'll find a common thread - they all have positive self images. 

How did they do it? 

By talking to themselves. 

More specifically, they got into the habit of complimenting themselves on positive things they'd actually done. This wasn't just looking into the mirror, pounding themselves on the chest, and loudly proclaiming to be THE BEST SALESMAN IN THE WORLD. No. That's not what I'm talking about (Although there's certainly nothing wrong with it. If you want to, knock yourself out.) What I mean is: after they actually did something, like winning a game, or giving a speech, or singing a song, they complimented themselves. It is not an affirmation. It's an honest reporting of an event that really happened. 

I want you to do the same. 

Your Swagger requires a positive self image. A positive self image as a man. As a woman. A father. A mother. Husband. Wife. Business person. Golfer. Singer. Actor. Son. Daughter. Whatever your particular context may be. 

Start today. When you take a risk and do something, anything, give yourself a compliment. Find a quiet moment of reflection and say this to yourself:

"Nice one. I did a really great job in there. I'm proud of the way I handled that. Well done!" 

Say it in your own words. But say it. And keep saying it forever more. As my clients will tell you, I ask them to write the compliments down. In the process they create their very own database of compliments. When they hit a rough patch and want a boost, they simply re-read the compliments.

If you think it's self-indulgent or selfish to do this, think again. If you think it's narcissistic, it's not. If you are Dutch, and think it's too 'American', get over it. If you're worried people will think you're arrogant, forget about it. They're not even gonna hear you because you'll be talking to yourself. 

It's the backbone of your Swagger. So fight through any resistance you may be feeling, and go wild complimenting yourself.

It works.